I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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