i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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