Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
