Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize