I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
