I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
