How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
