3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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