Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
