Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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