why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
