she smelled like a LAN party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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