didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
