You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
