Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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