I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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