why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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