butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
