I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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