Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize