apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
