My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
