So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
