does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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