I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize