apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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