I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
