One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
