3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
