I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
