wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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