Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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