I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is Oprah even human
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
