If i come over, it means nothing
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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