Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
