Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
