Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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