So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
