A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
