who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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