Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
