Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
