She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
