That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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