I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
