Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
