FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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