i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
