he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
