And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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