at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
