pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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