Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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