Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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