dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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