His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I lost the right to judge tonight
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
