Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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