Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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