i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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