Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
