Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
