I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
