Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
