I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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