he puts the penis in happiness.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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