He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
