She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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