if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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