Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
