mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
