After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
