Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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