I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
