and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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