Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
